What is the deal with the weird chapter titles?
What do you mean weird titles? Holland, 1945 makes complete sense for the chapter addressing finding a path towards recovery. Doesn’t it? No of course it makes no sense at all. That is unless you are a devoted Neutral Milk Hotel fan who has memorized all their lyrics. Then you would know that these lines were the chorus to that time in my life:
“But now we must pick up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on”
Music is ancient and powerful and ties us all together. Songs have saved my soul. My grief is borne upon a river of lyrics and notes. The soundtrack of my journey is ever evolving and gives my thoughts structure and my emotions voice. For these reasons and many more I decided that every chapter title in my memoir would be a song creating a Thistles & Thorns playlist. Except one chapter! Chapter Twelve “A Headstone and a Possibly Possessed Tree” is not a song title yet. I not so secretly hope that Jeremy Messersmith will read my book and write a song with that title. If anyone could do it justice, it is he. There just was not a song that fit that particularly odd aspect of Amara, Sophie, and Cea’s resting place. The rest of the chapters are named after the song that best fits that moment in our story. Some like “Cecilia” are self-evident, whereas others require a bit more work to fully decipher. I would have loved to include a snippet of the lyrics that spoke to me but alas copyrights are complicated and often extremely expensive. I highly encourage every reader to do a little lyrical digging and check out the words that ride the notes and silences in these chosen songs. Here are a few of the more important to me lyrics and the full playlist.
Jessica Lea Mayfield- Kiss Me Again
You got me where you want me, but I ain't all there
My head is gone my brain is fried, and I'm standing right here
You can touch me if you wanna, oh I don't really care
But I have ruined everything that I've ever loved
And I guess we have to play the cards we've been dealt
And I guess I've got nothing but whatever happens happens
Cause my life is falling apart
Or is it getting better I don't know
You can kiss me again if you want, I don't mind
You can kiss me again if you want, oh that'd be fine
Taylor Swift- This Is Me Trying
I just wanted you to know
That this is me trying
At least I'm trying
And it's hard to be at a party
When I feel like an open wound
It's hard to be anywhere these days
When all I want is you
Cloud Cult- You Were Born
You were born into a strange world.
Like a candle, you were meant to share the fire.
I don't know where we come from, and I don't know where we go.
But my arms were made to hold you, so I will never let you go.
Cuz you were born to change this life.
You were born to chase the light.
You were born...
The Lumineers- Stubborn Love
It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all
The opposite of love's indifference
Play List
Sleeping Sickness – City and Colour
I Don’t Wanna Grow Up – Tom Waits
Untouchable Face – Ani DiFranco
Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
Float On – Modest Mouse
Video Games – Lana Del Rey
We’re Going to Be Friends – The White Stripes
Cecilia – Simon & Garfunkel
Mama, I’m Coming Home – Ozzy Osbourne
Kiss With A Fist – Florence + The Machine
Black Cadillacs – Modest Mouse
Kiss Me Again – Jessica Lea Mayfield
Going Out In Style – Dropkick Murphy’s
Holland, 1945 – Neutral Milk Hotel
this is me trying – Taylor Swift
The Field – Mason Jennings
You Were Born – Cloud Cult
Only Son of the Ladiesman – Father John Misty
Stubborn Love – The Lumineers